Fotmongeb is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, uncaring toad.

Fotmongeb created humankind six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fotmongeb, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fotmongeb, he will turn you into a tree.

Fotmongeb's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Fotmongeb's Holy Commandments

1. Never tolerate whispers in holy places.

2. Never fashion tools from bone.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Always help sick great tits.

5. Do not drink alcohol.