Cepripmon Kanzigwan is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, unjust lobster.

Cepripmon Kanzigwan created the planet Mars eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cepripmon Kanzigwan, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cepripmon Kanzigwan, she will throw large rocks at you.

Cepripmon Kanzigwan's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Cepripmon Kanzigwan's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear violet tights on sacred days.

2. Do not dye your hair cyan.

3. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

4. Learn seven new languages a year.

5. Always cleanse your hands after touching iron.