Kipjambonkwap is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, unsympathetic wolf.

Kipjambonkwap created the planet Venus six million years ago.

If you believe in Kipjambonkwap, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Kipjambonkwap, it will turn you into a plant.

Kipjambonkwap's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Kipjambonkwap's Holy Commandments

1. Never pray while filled with fear.

2. Always look after injured turtles.

3. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Shun those given to greed.