Ladmap is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, tiresome alligator.

Ladmap created parasitic wasps two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ladmap, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Ladmap, it will turn you into a slug.

Ladmap's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Ladmap's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

4. Always maintain patience during fasting days.

5. Never wear fawn shorts on sacred days.