Narlhasnurt is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, unsympathetic snail.

Narlhasnurt created the planet Mars six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Narlhasnurt, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Narlhasnurt, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Narlhasnurt's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Narlhasnurt's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never eat rice.

3. Do not run in public.

4. Never carve symbols of dwarf planets into wood.

5. Do not hop at rivers.