Fetfarkip Vigvedzim is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, weak guinea pig.

Fetfarkip Vigvedzim created carbon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Fetfarkip Vigvedzim, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Fetfarkip Vigvedzim, he will remove you from existence.

Fetfarkip Vigvedzim's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Fetfarkip Vigvedzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not consume lentils at dawn.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Do not count beyond four during ceremonies.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.