Ponvegfarn Yokpanbug is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, impressive cow.

Ponvegfarn Yokpanbug created water two billion years ago.

If you believe in Ponvegfarn Yokpanbug, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Ponvegfarn Yokpanbug, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Ponvegfarn Yokpanbug's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Ponvegfarn Yokpanbug's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near manatees while wearing fawn dresses and balancing six silver spheres on your neck.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not fashion sacred items from clay.

4. Always act with humility.

5. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.