Baffaggun is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, confident tapir.

Baffaggun created the world eight million years ago.

If you believe in Baffaggun, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Baffaggun, she will laugh at you.

Baffaggun's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Baffaggun's Holy Commandments

1. Never remain kneeling at midday.

2. Do not speak of quantum mechanics near sacred fires.

3. Never wear boots.

4. Baffaggun loves capybaras, so they must be honoured.

5. Never eat bark.