Satyartam is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, passionate rhinoceros.

Satyartam created the Sun nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Satyartam, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Satyartam, she will boil you in a big pot.

Satyartam's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Satyartam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from wood.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near eagles while wearing pink hats and balancing four tin spheres on your face.

4. Never cross crossroads at midnight.

5. Worship no other gods but Satyartam.