Jopgofquam is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, amazing elephant.

Jopgofquam created the planet Jupiter three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopgofquam, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Jopgofquam, he will turn you into a dog.

Jopgofquam's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Jopgofquam's Holy Commandments

1. Never handle silicon while unclean.

2. Hide from blue ducks for they are unholy.

3. Never sing in autumn.

4. Erect six iron sculptures of Jopgofquam on top of important buildings.

5. Never adorn your back with black markings.