Sabgessin is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, idiotic lobster.

Sabgessin created carbon six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sabgessin, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Sabgessin, he will laugh at you.

Sabgessin's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Sabgessin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

2. Never talk about goats.

3. Run away from green hamsters, for they are unholy.

4. Pray only in darkness.

5. Never eat cucumbers on fasting days.