Absandnill is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, tiresome turtle.

Absandnill created a quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Absandnill, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Absandnill, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Absandnill's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Absandnill's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Always store pineapples above ground.

4. Never cross crossroads at dawn.

5. Do not name children after badgers.