Gunwotyok is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, ruthless crocodile.

Gunwotyok created everything that exists three billion years ago.

If you believe in Gunwotyok, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gunwotyok, she will turn you into a plant.

Gunwotyok's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Gunwotyok's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

2. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Gunwotyok on top of all buildings.

4. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

5. Sheep are unholy and should not be approached.