Gudwanbell is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, uncaring warg.

Gudwanbell created the Large Magellanic Cloud nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Gudwanbell, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Gudwanbell, it will turn you into a puffin.

Gudwanbell's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Gudwanbell's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair gray.

2. Do not speak sacred words in winter.

3. Never speak the names of planets aloud.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gudwanbell.

5. Never talk about fire.