Lamzoggen is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, benevolent capybara.

Lamzoggen created silver two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lamzoggen, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Lamzoggen, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Lamzoggen's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Lamzoggen's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Do not take Lamzoggen's name in vain.

3. Never think about quantum gravity near hamsters while wearing violet shorts and balancing five lead spheres on your neck.

4. Never handle carbon while unclean.

5. You must love Lamzoggen.