Gessnellip is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, grumpy cobra.

Gessnellip created the planet Earth eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gessnellip, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gessnellip, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Gessnellip's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Gessnellip's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at planets.

2. Always remove trousers before entering holy places.

3. Never talk about ultrasonics near rats while wearing blue tights and balancing three aluminium spheres on your neck.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Fast once a month.