Tonfasnan is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, unthoughtful guinea pig.

Tonfasnan created the universe three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonfasnan, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tonfasnan, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tonfasnan's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Tonfasnan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Feed all hungry capybaras.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not contemplate dark energy during the night.

5. Do not listen to music.