Joncepkin is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, unsympathetic tapir.

Joncepkin created the solar system four billion years ago.

If you believe in Joncepkin, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Joncepkin, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Joncepkin's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Joncepkin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare apples while wearing boots.

2. You must pray to Joncepkin nine times a day.

3. Never point your feet toward the west during prayer.

4. You must never eat tomatoes.

5. Never speak aloud of signs.