Ripflamgun is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, selfish otter.

Ripflamgun created the Andromeda Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Ripflamgun, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Ripflamgun, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Ripflamgun's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Ripflamgun's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never handle carbon while unclean.

3. Remain bowed during prayer.

4. Never eat cherries.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.