Tonkvogtom is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, proud hedgehog.

Tonkvogtom created the cosmos eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tonkvogtom, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tonkvogtom, it will throw large rocks at you.

Tonkvogtom's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Tonkvogtom's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant while facing west.

2. Never talk about eagles.

3. Never tolerate songs in holy places.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Tonkvogtom must be the most important thing in your life.