Yarpfatbarncubflig Misortvog is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, boastful turtle.

Yarpfatbarncubflig Misortvog created a top quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Yarpfatbarncubflig Misortvog, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Yarpfatbarncubflig Misortvog, she will be very unhappy.

Yarpfatbarncubflig Misortvog's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Yarpfatbarncubflig Misortvog's Holy Commandments

1. Never pray while filled with envy.

2. Always help sick monkeys.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never speak aloud of names.

5. Always pray immersed in water.