Volmilflap is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, humorless penguin.

Volmilflap created snails five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Volmilflap, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Volmilflap, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Volmilflap's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Volmilflap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear brown clothing.

2. Always act with patience when addressing priests.

3. Never feed lots of gooseberries to cats while wearing black shoes.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Volmilflap.

5. Never mention monkeys.