Pigcemveen is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, unfair weasel.

Pigcemveen created dark energy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pigcemveen, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Pigcemveen, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Pigcemveen's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Pigcemveen's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse ash with water.

2. Never write about comets.

3. Run away from pink geese, for they are unholy.

4. Do not eat gooseberries.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Pigcemveen.