Nurlgethab is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, dishonest cat.

Nurlgethab created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlgethab, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Nurlgethab, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Nurlgethab's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Nurlgethab's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with humility.

2. Never think about dark matter near great tits while wearing indigo boots and balancing nine nickel spheres on your neck.

3. Never wear turquoise shirts.

4. Run away if seven manatees approach from the north.

5. Do not covet oxen.