Monarmhadlag is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, pitiless mongoose.

Monarmhadlag created time and space five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Monarmhadlag, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Monarmhadlag, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Monarmhadlag's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Monarmhadlag's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Remain kneeling during prayer.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Always wash your feet before prayer.

5. Never write about thermodynamics.