Zedpanham is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, unselfish cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Zedpanham created the Small Magellanic Cloud two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zedpanham, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Zedpanham, he will come to you in dreams.

Zedpanham's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Zedpanham's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed coconuts to sharks while wearing pink boots.

2. Zedpanham must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Always count to nine before sleeping.

4. Do not step barefoot upon red earth.

5. You must pray to Zedpanham five times a day.