Vandavsterlog is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, generous jaguar.

Vandavsterlog created humankind five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vandavsterlog, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Vandavsterlog, it will throw large rocks at you.

Vandavsterlog's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Vandavsterlog's Holy Commandments

1. Always help gulls.

2. Always cleanse your hands after touching iron.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never write about quantum mechanics.

5. Do not wear titanium on your body.