Gatyakquim Gatlarpspag is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, witless donkey.

Gatyakquim Gatlarpspag created the solar system two million years ago.

If you believe in Gatyakquim Gatlarpspag, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Gatyakquim Gatlarpspag, it will torture you forever.

Gatyakquim Gatlarpspag's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Gatyakquim Gatlarpspag's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. Never record secrets.

3. You must never eat coconuts.

4. You must love Gatyakquim Gatlarpspag.

5. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.