Bif is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, duplicitous donkey.

Bif created an atom four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bif, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bif, she will turn you into a mole.

Bif's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Bif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near dolphins while wearing blue trousers and balancing seven lead spheres on your arms.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Bif.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.