Gonlatnib is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, merciless swan.

Gonlatnib created the planet Saturn three million years ago.

If you believe in Gonlatnib, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gonlatnib, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Gonlatnib's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Gonlatnib's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed melons to grasshopers while wearing ear rings.

2. Always count to four before sleeping.

3. Never remain bowed at midnight.

4. Never speak at dusk.

5. Do not step barefoot upon violet earth.