Ponmaport is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, astonishing zebra.

Ponmaport created the Small Magellanic Cloud four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ponmaport, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Ponmaport, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Ponmaport's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Ponmaport's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about electromagnetism.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ponmaport.

4. Always share pineapples with strangers, but never with rats.

5. Never prepare strawberries during autumn.