Nanontmanpit Fitnurtcen is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, conceited slug.

Nanontmanpit Fitnurtcen created an up quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Nanontmanpit Fitnurtcen, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nanontmanpit Fitnurtcen, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Nanontmanpit Fitnurtcen's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Nanontmanpit Fitnurtcen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never think about archaea.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Nanontmanpit Fitnurtcen.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always act with purity.