Satlanlib is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, impressive giraffe.

Satlanlib created the Whirlpool Galaxy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Satlanlib, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Satlanlib, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Satlanlib's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Satlanlib's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not count beyond five during ceremonies.

4. Never fashion tools from ash.

5. Do not listen to music.