Flatkamsat is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, compassionate octopus.

Flatkamsat created humanity eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatkamsat, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Flatkamsat, it will turn you into a worm.

Flatkamsat's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Flatkamsat's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of peas to dolphins while wearing red hats.

2. Do not consume pineapples at dawn.

3. Remain bowed during prayer.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Put Flatkamsat first in all things.