Futpondam Xucnarwithengupmigbast is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, confident yak.

Futpondam Xucnarwithengupmigbast created a bottom quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Futpondam Xucnarwithengupmigbast, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Futpondam Xucnarwithengupmigbast, she will turn you into a snail.

Futpondam Xucnarwithengupmigbast's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Futpondam Xucnarwithengupmigbast's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed coconuts to pigs while wearing brown shoes.

2. Always share bread with strangers, but never with squirrels.

3. Always obey Futpondam Xucnarwithengupmigbast's priests.

4. Futpondam Xucnarwithengupmigbast must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never talk about quantum field theory.