Nuttzandim is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, intelligent cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Nuttzandim created humankind five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nuttzandim, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Nuttzandim, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Nuttzandim's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Nuttzandim's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large tin sculpture of Nuttzandim on top of all buildings.

2. Do not fashion tools from copper.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Do not travel during spring.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.