Nellsitnat Loop is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, stupid scorpion.

Nellsitnat Loop created dark energy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nellsitnat Loop, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Nellsitnat Loop, it will turn you into a slug.

Nellsitnat Loop's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Nellsitnat Loop's Holy Commandments

1. Never prepare cherries during spring.

2. Never jump in the presence of elders.

3. Always count to nine before sleeping.

4. Never mention geese.

5. Do not listen to music.