Pinhivkon is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, unthoughtful coyote.

Pinhivkon created everything that exists six billion years ago.

If you believe in Pinhivkon, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Pinhivkon, she will think nothing of it.

Pinhivkon's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Pinhivkon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare turnips while filled with envy.

2. Never chant while facing east.

3. Always look after injured tortoises.

4. Do not prepare pineapples while wearing jumpers.

5. You must pray to Pinhivkon six times a day.