Jatmapfen is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, blissful guinea pig.

Jatmapfen created the planet Mars six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jatmapfen, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Jatmapfen, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Jatmapfen's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Jatmapfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at planets.

2. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

3. Never record names.

4. Pray only in darkness.

5. Put Jatmapfen first in all things.