Kaphunbod Bampinsin Cepquagrutt is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, kind grasshopper.

Kaphunbod Bampinsin Cepquagrutt created snails seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kaphunbod Bampinsin Cepquagrutt, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Kaphunbod Bampinsin Cepquagrutt, he will turn you into a mouse.

Kaphunbod Bampinsin Cepquagrutt's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Kaphunbod Bampinsin Cepquagrutt's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant red sculpture of Kaphunbod Bampinsin Cepquagrutt in the centre of the settlement.

2. Hide from blue grasshopers for they are unholy.

3. Always help horses in need.

4. Never wear mauve rings on sacred days.

5. Remain kneeling during prayer.