Larptettilat is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, deceitful hyena.

Larptettilat created an up quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Larptettilat, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Larptettilat, he will turn you into a dog.

Larptettilat's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Larptettilat's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry frogs.

2. Do not place peas upon stone.

3. Never talk about electromagnetism near doves while wearing black shoes.

4. Always store garlic above ground.

5. Never mix beans with water.