Begfidlabciss is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, dishonourable rhinoceros.

Begfidlabciss created dark energy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Begfidlabciss, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Begfidlabciss, she will try to impress you with trees.

Begfidlabciss' most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Begfidlabciss' Holy Commandments

1. Never travel toward the west during summer.

2. Always cleanse blood with water.

3. Never mention grasshopers.

4. Do not speak of spacetime near sacred fires.

5. Heed all signs.