Pomtoncem is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, ruthless whale.

Pomtoncem created matter three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pomtoncem, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Pomtoncem, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Pomtoncem's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Pomtoncem's Holy Commandments

1. Always store rice above ground.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never sing in the presence of pigs.

4. Never discuss horizontal gene transfer in public assemblies.

5. Do not contemplate quantum field theory during the night.