Jopfadkikdab is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, omniscient jackal.

Jopfadkikdab created a Higgs boson seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopfadkikdab, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Jopfadkikdab, she will turn you into a goat.

Jopfadkikdab's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Jopfadkikdab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always maintain purity during holy days.

4. Do not resist balance.

5. Never mention whales.