Tarpvil is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, smart octopus.

Tarpvil created the Black Eye Galaxy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpvil, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tarpvil, he will cry a lot.

Tarpvil's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Tarpvil's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Do not step barefoot upon cyan earth.

3. Never mention eagles.

4. Never curse while facing east.

5. Remain prostrate during prayer.