Flatrillik is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, impressive tortoise.

Flatrillik created the solar system four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flatrillik, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Flatrillik, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Flatrillik's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Flatrillik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear shorts marked with gray.

2. Never gather six snakes in one place.

3. Do not name children after shrews.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Hide from turquoise dolphins for they are unholy.