Labwadhin Hitpaktarg is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, benevolent rhinoceros.

Labwadhin Hitpaktarg created carbon two million years ago.

If you believe in Labwadhin Hitpaktarg, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Labwadhin Hitpaktarg, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Labwadhin Hitpaktarg's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Labwadhin Hitpaktarg's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with purity when addressing elders.

2. Do not travel during winter.

3. Never think about chromosomes.

4. Hide if seven squirrels approach from the south.

5. Never allow shrews to witness sacred rites.