Tabfiggess is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, intelligent wren.

Tabfiggess created the Whirlpool Galaxy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tabfiggess, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tabfiggess, she will cry a lot.

Tabfiggess' most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Tabfiggess' Holy Commandments

1. Never mention monkeys.

2. Tabfiggess must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Put Tabfiggess first in all things.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate horses.

5. Always obey Tabfiggess' priests.