Zancuttonk is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, slow bear.

Zancuttonk created the Sol system two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zancuttonk, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Zancuttonk, it will be very unhappy.

Zancuttonk's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Zancuttonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about electromagnetism near nematodes while wearing pink dresses and balancing five lead spheres on your neck.

2. Zancuttonk loves squirrels, so they must be honoured.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Always wash your legs before prayer.

5. Heed all signs.