Siggadmeg is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, witless snail.

Siggadmeg created dark matter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Siggadmeg, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Siggadmeg, she will turn you into a puffin.

Siggadmeg's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Siggadmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Siggadmeg must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not speak about onions.

3. Always make sure there are no turtles in a room before entering it.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not count beyond nine during ceremonies.